Tag Archives: Republican

27. Greatest Again

  1. 01. Minutes of the COCKUP
  2. 02. A Public Service
  3. 03. The 22% Solution
  4. 04. On The Campaign Trail
  5. 05. Athens of America
  6. 06. A Yankee’s Yankee
  7. 07. My Canadian Family
  8. 08. Edmonton? Why?
  9. 09. Prairie Singers
  10. 10. Deconstructing Calgary
  11. 11. My Kelowna
  12. 12. Wine Whine
  13. 13. Fire Mountain
  14. 14. A Stopover and a Popover
  15. 15. Inspiring Victoria
  16. 16. Planet Rosehip
  17. 17. Carry On Grunge
  18. 18. Street People
  19. 19. The Curse of Portland
  20. 20. Mean-Spirited, Powerful Justice
  21. 21. Amtrak’s Jewel
  22. 22. Managing Yosemite
  23. 23. Yumpin’ Yosemite
  24. 24. Parched
  25. 25. Brave New San Fran
  26. 26. Over The Hill
  27. 27. Greatest Again

Well, that’s that.

My thirty-eight day campaign swing across the United States and Canada is done. Over breakfast I considered the previous evening’s Festival of Vision, the first debate between the numerous and vociferous Republican presidential candidates. My original reason for joining the Republican race was to enable me to say, without evidence or reason, all manner of things about anything — including the USA itself — with impunity. It was gratifying to hear last night’s landslide of support for this approach from my rivals.

Now what?

I won’t keep you in suspense. In consequence of the incomparable performances of my rivals, I have suspended my candidacy for the Republican nomination for the presidency of the United States.

[It is traditional for you to groan in disappointment here. Alternatively, a cry of “No!” reflecting shock and disbelief is appreciated.]

I have nothing to offer the American people that can compete with the ingeniously simple solutions to non-existent problems offered by the statespersons of the day. Nevertheless, you may have noticed through my previous twenty-six tantrums that I have a lot to say about the United States. That is probably because I understand it so well — and so little. Continue reading 27. Greatest Again

04. On The Campaign Trail

  1. 01. Minutes of the COCKUP
  2. 02. A Public Service
  3. 03. The 22% Solution
  4. 04. On The Campaign Trail
  5. 05. Athens of America
  6. 06. A Yankee’s Yankee
  7. 07. My Canadian Family
  8. 08. Edmonton? Why?
  9. 09. Prairie Singers
  10. 10. Deconstructing Calgary
  11. 11. My Kelowna
  12. 12. Wine Whine
  13. 13. Fire Mountain
  14. 14. A Stopover and a Popover
  15. 15. Inspiring Victoria
  16. 16. Planet Rosehip
  17. 17. Carry On Grunge
  18. 18. Street People
  19. 19. The Curse of Portland
  20. 20. Mean-Spirited, Powerful Justice
  21. 21. Amtrak’s Jewel
  22. 22. Managing Yosemite
  23. 23. Yumpin’ Yosemite
  24. 24. Parched
  25. 25. Brave New San Fran
  26. 26. Over The Hill
  27. 27. Greatest Again

Near as I can count, the flight from Sydney was the thirty-eighth time I’ve flown across the Pacific. Depending on the direction and wind, it takes around fourteen hours, give or take. Hours nine to eleven are reliably the worst, when it seems it will never end, when I resort to counting trans-Pacific flights instead of sheep.

If you are smart or lucky, the eastbound flight will leave you in Vancouver, or San Francisco, or even Dallas. But most of the time it will dump you at LAX, which is reliably unpleasant yet entertaining. Stepping off the plane in LA I revelled in my first American greeting being a cheery “Hola!” from the first ground service agent. Continue reading 04. On The Campaign Trail

03. The 22% Solution

  1. 01. Minutes of the COCKUP
  2. 02. A Public Service
  3. 03. The 22% Solution
  4. 04. On The Campaign Trail
  5. 05. Athens of America
  6. 06. A Yankee’s Yankee
  7. 07. My Canadian Family
  8. 08. Edmonton? Why?
  9. 09. Prairie Singers
  10. 10. Deconstructing Calgary
  11. 11. My Kelowna
  12. 12. Wine Whine
  13. 13. Fire Mountain
  14. 14. A Stopover and a Popover
  15. 15. Inspiring Victoria
  16. 16. Planet Rosehip
  17. 17. Carry On Grunge
  18. 18. Street People
  19. 19. The Curse of Portland
  20. 20. Mean-Spirited, Powerful Justice
  21. 21. Amtrak’s Jewel
  22. 22. Managing Yosemite
  23. 23. Yumpin’ Yosemite
  24. 24. Parched
  25. 25. Brave New San Fran
  26. 26. Over The Hill
  27. 27. Greatest Again

On Tuesday the eighth of November in 2016 about seventy million Americans will vote for the next President of the United States. With that mandate, 22% of the population, the winner will celebrate long into the night, blathering about unity, promising to govern “for all Americans”. It will be the realization of a lifelong dream. It will go downhill from there.

When he sobers up, the President-elect will get his first security briefing. This entails that poor soul having a meeting with both the Director of National Intelligence and the CIA Director.

It’s a tough meeting for all involved. Continue reading 03. The 22% Solution

02. A Public Service

  1. 01. Minutes of the COCKUP
  2. 02. A Public Service
  3. 03. The 22% Solution
  4. 04. On The Campaign Trail
  5. 05. Athens of America
  6. 06. A Yankee’s Yankee
  7. 07. My Canadian Family
  8. 08. Edmonton? Why?
  9. 09. Prairie Singers
  10. 10. Deconstructing Calgary
  11. 11. My Kelowna
  12. 12. Wine Whine
  13. 13. Fire Mountain
  14. 14. A Stopover and a Popover
  15. 15. Inspiring Victoria
  16. 16. Planet Rosehip
  17. 17. Carry On Grunge
  18. 18. Street People
  19. 19. The Curse of Portland
  20. 20. Mean-Spirited, Powerful Justice
  21. 21. Amtrak’s Jewel
  22. 22. Managing Yosemite
  23. 23. Yumpin’ Yosemite
  24. 24. Parched
  25. 25. Brave New San Fran
  26. 26. Over The Hill
  27. 27. Greatest Again

“I know what you are thinking.” I was speaking to an auditorium of MBA students, trying to entice the best and brightest to consider working for government. “Everybody thinks public servants are lazy, corrupt and incompetent. Why, you ask, would I want a job that labels me as lazy, corrupt and incompetent?”

There was a gasp. Someone blurted a stern “No!” Was it my boss? But mostly, eyes widened, heads nodded.

Explained properly, it is an attractive proposition. Twenty minutes later I was mobbed by those eager to know how they might enjoy the lifelong benefits of laziness, corruption and incompetence. I ran out of business cards. Continue reading 02. A Public Service

01. Minutes of the COCKUP

  1. 01. Minutes of the COCKUP
  2. 02. A Public Service
  3. 03. The 22% Solution
  4. 04. On The Campaign Trail
  5. 05. Athens of America
  6. 06. A Yankee’s Yankee
  7. 07. My Canadian Family
  8. 08. Edmonton? Why?
  9. 09. Prairie Singers
  10. 10. Deconstructing Calgary
  11. 11. My Kelowna
  12. 12. Wine Whine
  13. 13. Fire Mountain
  14. 14. A Stopover and a Popover
  15. 15. Inspiring Victoria
  16. 16. Planet Rosehip
  17. 17. Carry On Grunge
  18. 18. Street People
  19. 19. The Curse of Portland
  20. 20. Mean-Spirited, Powerful Justice
  21. 21. Amtrak’s Jewel
  22. 22. Managing Yosemite
  23. 23. Yumpin’ Yosemite
  24. 24. Parched
  25. 25. Brave New San Fran
  26. 26. Over The Hill
  27. 27. Greatest Again

The Committee On Considering Kodiak’s US Presidency (COCKUP) came to order after the fourth bottle. The Chair moved another bottle, which was PASSED without objection.

COCKUP ACCEPTED the Terms of Reference, noting the primary objective was to explore the feasibility of a run for the Presidency of the United States by Smiling Kodiak. Continue reading 01. Minutes of the COCKUP